These are the moments we CRAVE, our souls need them- it's like the reset on your car's odometer, these moments ground us - or for you hippy-standup-paddleboard-yoga people, they help us find our centre.
This is the moment I discovered that I suffered from what the all-knowing Urban Dictionary calls NETAFLIXia :
"A medical condition where the patient physically cannot take his or her self away from netflix streaming. the patient will often go home very early and end social interaction abrubtly to go and satisfy the urges that come from netaflixia"
In the face of all of the natural beauty around me, the edifying book I had brought with me, and the rare opportunity to disconnect and enjoy some peace and quiet- I felt like a piece of my soul was dying, like a void was growing in me and my anxiety level skyrocketed, what was missing? Nothing! And yet it was as though in the bottom right hand corner of my mind there was a 14 second countdown
to the next episode of whatever and with every passing second my need for action, drama and noise grew like a white girl's ego after every new Instagram follower.
There have been, at best, five nights in the last 5 years where I haven't fallen asleep to the familiar blue glow of a tablet streaming high def TV into my face. I have nearly exhausted every season of every series of every reasonable show on both CRAVE and NETFLIX (not Nashville or Pretty Little Liars though- a guy's gotta have some standards) and a few gooders from SHOMI- the result?
EXHAUSTION from late nights leading to less energy for work, family, and hobbies.
APATHY toward normal everyday life (the plot is often pretty flat).
SOCIAL ANXIETY from spending so much waking time alone, watching fake people living fake lives (where they often hurt each-other).
CONFUSION ABOUT IDENTITY AND PURPOSE because with every cop series I want to be a cop, with every boxing movie I want to become a fighter, and with every dinosaur movie... I want to be a cop or a fighter.
SOCIAL DISASSOCIATION because I know less about real life and the goings on of society than I do about MARVEL: AGENTS OF SHIELD.
DECREASED QUALITY OF HEALTH because sitting down a lot makes you fat and sick and too lethargic to do jazzercise... I mean hit the gym which sucks cause I'm in the PRIME of my life.
SO what now? Well, in true iGoogle-Age fashion; every good Siri informed self diagnosis deserves a good ol' self imposed remedy.
For the next 40 days I am going cold turkey, I'm going to fight a MEAN case of "NETAFLIXia" with a massive dose of "Netarexia". No TV of any kind AT ALL.
For the next fourty days, I am going to blog about my journey out of the imaginary and back into a full force engagement with real life. Why? As I'm writing this my friend Kenton asked me what I hope to get out of this thing, and honestly, I don't know. I think I'lI only be able to answer that on the other side but in a word I guess I just want MORE.
ANYWAY; Read it or don't- who cares, but maybe consider joining me on this underwhelmingly epic quest to regain reality (no not reality TV)
*** you might be reading this and saying "Johnny- you're just replacing Netflix with blogging" and to that I say "Shut up."
See you tomorrow. I'M ON MY WAY BACK TO TOFINO- the land of good surf and bad internet connection.